You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
