You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
