you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
