I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
