I could have mohawked her pubes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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