just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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