put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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