Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
