when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
