So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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