Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
