...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
