help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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