We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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