Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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