I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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