would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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