I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
