i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
