we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
