1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
they need to just BURY HIM!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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