Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
