i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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