i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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