shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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