I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
