I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
