Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
