yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
