glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
