I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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