but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
