dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
