drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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