He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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