Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

Fav 46 4652 2139
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(913): View more from Kansas

Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill

Fav 22 867 6088
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.

Fav 75 5254 1007
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(817): View more from Texas

despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds

Fav 29 1216 3954
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(301): View more from Maryland

Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes

Fav 9 4359 1323
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(913): View more from Kansas

My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.

Fav 8 2234 1079
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(815): View more from Illinois

I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it

Fav 0 43 23
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