I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
