And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
