A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
