peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
