On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
