If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
this just has baby written all over it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
