I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
