I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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