You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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