She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
