She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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