you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
