how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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