There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up under a house in Key West
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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